A little over a week ago, the sweetest young lady reached out to me out of pure desperation. I was a bit taken a back initially because I never take giving advice lightly and whatever I say should always help and not hinder. It was the typical story of boy meets girl, girl falls for boy, they both live happily ever after until one day it turns out that “happily ever after” has an expiration date. While I won’t get into the details of the many pieces of this now shattered puzzle, one major thing stuck out to me as I listened to her brokenness for over 3 hours.
That was me, I was her…
The cracks in her voice, the pauses due to tears, the variation of tones from extremely hurt to incredibly angry–That was me. I couldn’t help but empathize with her because I actually knew where she was coming from. Just a few months ago when my now fiancé and I broke up, I could literally feel everything inside me vanishing one by one. My happiness, joy, interests and most of all my peace of mind. I became misguided. I often questioned God asking why he would allow this to happen and when I didn’t like the answers, I resorted to questioning myself. I would look myself in the mirror and become disgusted with the person I saw. I didn’t see bravery, strength, courage, beauty or intelligence. On the other hand, all I saw was a person who wasn’t good enough and unworthy of someone’s love.
I can now say how truly grateful I am for the time we spent apart because of all the lessons I learnt. I realized that I placed Brandon on a pedestal that no one could ever live up to. I gave such a huge part of myself to him that when I lost him, I began losing parts of who I was. That right there is one of the most obvious indications of an unhealthy relationship. However, at the time I wasn’t aware of it. I became such an artificial version of myself that I actually convinced myself that the mere shadow of who I was portraying, was really who I was going to be. You see, what I failed to realize was that there is nobody on earth who should ever have so much power over my emotions that it causes me to alter who I am. So the minute you find yourself in that situation, is the moment you’ve created an idol in your life. It may sound extreme or even a bit crazy, but looking back now I am so glad that I found myself on the other side of it because now I get to share my story in the hopes that it helps anyone willing to listen.
So as I continue to listen to the questions from that same young lady, I can literally hear my voice just a few months ago. As I watched her cry until she had nothing left, I actually saw myself on bended knees doing the same thing. But now I’m better for it and I’ve learned a ton. So this one is dedicated to you my Princess, and to all the women out there who are struggling with a broken heart.
There are all these bumps in the road we think we’ll never make it over, but we do. All these mountain like struggles we think we can never climb, but we do. Not to mention all the heartbreaks we think we’ll never get over, but we always do. Even though it sounds so simple, I promise you that is one of the best things you can come to realize. You’ll be okay. No, really I’m not just saying that– You’ll be okay. I may not be able to tell you when or even how because there is no universal formula that works for everyone alike. But I can tell you this: Healing isn’t just some myth. It’s as real as the pain you may be feeling, but it can only be achieved when you visualize for yourself a better tomorrow. Push yourself harder every day and retrain your thoughts to think positive.
You have to realize that sometimes you’re only digging yourself further in a hole by beating yourself up with negative thoughts. The same tongue you use to question your worth, is the same tongue you should use to build yourself up. Encourage yourself and own the qualities that make you unique. Begin to take real good care of YOU first. One of my favorite scriptures says this:
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” — Proverbs 4:23
So baby girl, watch over your heart like your life depends on it. This doesn’t mean to be so guarded that it becomes impossible to let anyone in. But it simply means to prayerfully and carefully form relationships that will only add to your life and never subtract. However, we’re all human, and mistakes happen. People are people wherever you go. This means that hurt is indeed inevitable and heartbreaks are just another thing we have to face at some point or the other. The key is to handle hurt gracefully and yes, this is possible! The first way to do this is to never blame yourself for the lack of love received from someone else. Loving someone without knowing how to love, will always wound the person we love. With that being said, realize that there is nothing wrong with you. Secondly, ALWAYS find the lesson in your trial. This is how you cope, this is how you win. My lesson was recognizing that God’s timing will always be greater than my timing. I had to take it easy and learn to grow and blossom on my own before committing to someone else. Thirdly, whatever you do please don’t ever stop living. When you feel like you can no longer go on, crawl if you must. But just never give up. The minute you get out the race you’ll find that you won’t ever get back in. So keep up with your hobbies, hang out with your friends. It’s okay to want to be alone, but don’t become so closed off that you find yourself crippled by the isolated world you created for yourself.
I could honestly talk your ear off about this, but I’ll end it here. It’s true what they say– It’s really just not worth it. The constant crying, the second guessing, even the instagram stalking! Lol. Girl, cut it out. I’ve been down that road and can assure you all you’ll find is a dead end. So take the high road, the one less travelled. The one where you really work on yourself first and not just say that because it’s the right thing to say. Time alone is the best time you’ll ever experience. Learn to appreciate everything the person who broke you didn’t, pick up the pieces of your life without the help of the wrong influences. Stay true to yourself and find your happy place again. It’s so beautiful here on the other side. I can’t wait to see you there.
Until Next Time…